Sometimes, The New Yorker just kills it:

David Sedaris: Guest-Room Gambits : The New Yorker

“This meant going next door to the stable, where I’d switch on my computer and turn to Google, thinking, I wonder what Russell Crowe is up to?”

“I made up my mind ages ago that I would not let that happen, that I would also die at sixty-two. Then I hit my mid-fifties and started thinking that perhaps I’m being a bit harsh. Since I’ve finally acquired a couple of decent guest rooms, it seems silly not to get a little more use out of them.”

Article found via Cupcakes and Cashmere